Ebook Free Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, by Sherrie Eldridge
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Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, by Sherrie Eldridge
Ebook Free Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, by Sherrie Eldridge
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From Library Journal
As both an adoptee and president of Jewel Among Jewels Adoption Network, Eldridge brings an original approach to the topic of adoption. In an attempt to inform adoptive parents of the unique issues adoptees face, she discusses adoptee anger, mourning, and shame and adoption acknowledgment while using case studies to illustrate how parents can better relate to their adopted child. This book is solidly written but not without its flaws; most importantly, it lacks information concerning child development, e.g., whether parents should use the same approach to questions with a three-year-old as with a 14-year-old. Still, this book will go well in any collection dealing with adoption, complementing David M. Brodzinsky's Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self (Anchor, 1993) and Joyce Maguire Pavao's The Family of Adoption (Beacon, 1998).AMee-Len Hom, Hunter Coll. Lib., New York Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.
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Review
"This is the book I've been waiting for! For those of us who have an adopted child, it is crucial that we understand what the adoption process means to the adoptee. Sherrie's book warmly compels us to do just that."MARILYN MEBERG, speaker for Women of Faith Conferences, author of Choosing the Amusing, and I'd Rather Be Laughing."Sherrie Eldridge has opened my eyes widely to the unique needs of my daughter and how to meet them."STEVE ARTERBURN, Founder of New Life Clinics and Women of Faith, author of many best-selling books including The Seven-Minute Marriage Solution."So many questions about adoption remain unspoken, leaving children and parents paralyzed with confusion. Sherrie Eldridge gives voice to these questions as well as answers, offering hope and help.--ELISA MORGAN, President of MOPS International"Here at last is a book adoptive parents have been waiting for. Author Sherrie Eldridge has reached into her own experience s an adoptee and comes forth with twenty important issues that adoptive parents need to know in order to effectively parent their adopted children. A book all adoptive parents should read!"NANCY VERRIER, MSW, author of The Primal Wound, Coming Home to Self"I now know that adoption was the core issue and the start of all my problems. Keep up the great work, as your book is more insightful and valuable than any the professionals have written."MARK HENDERSON, Scottsdale, Arizona
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Product details
Paperback: 222 pages
Publisher: Delta; Reissue edition (October 12, 1999)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 044050838X
ISBN-13: 978-0440508380
Product Dimensions:
5.2 x 0.6 x 8 inches
Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
3.9 out of 5 stars
302 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#15,849 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
As an adult adoptee I had heard about this book but ignored it until recently. A new friend who is a foster/adoptive mother told me about how much she loved this book - life changing she said. I had to read it. I am putting this book right up with The Primal Wound as a MUST READ book for adoptees, adoptive parents, first parents and anyone considering adoption. In actuality, it should also be read by anyone who loves an adoptee.It's a shame that I didn't read this book years ago; it might have saved me and others in my life a lot of heartache. I also wish that I could have given this to any man I ever had a relationship with. My parents really could have used this book - although I have a feeling they would have been like some of the reviewers who don't see the value because their kids are perfectly fine. Many adoptees are "perfectly fine". We're the best kids you could ever hope for, but we are dying inside. I thought of my birth family, especially my natural mother every single day of my life and my parents had no idea. I would never, ever have told them that I was unhappy, grieving, or that I wanted to know even the slightest detail about my birthfamily. I knew better than to say anything that would have hurt them. I would rather have suffered in silence than hurt my parents. Like most adoptees, I waited until my parents had both passed away, only to find my birthmom had already passed away herself.Even if you think that your adopted child is perfectly fine and that your family is A-Okay, what harm would it do to be educated about what the majority of adoptees are going through? If you really, truly love your adopted child then read this book.If you're adopted, read this book!! You will really understand yourself so much better. It's been an enormous help to me. Like I said, I wish that I had read this years ago. This will stay in my personal library and I will re-read it several more times I am sure.
Provocative, disputed depending on one's experience or perspective, but still thought provoking and very valuable.Appears grounded in the author's own experience. Research/theory cited, but also a personal reflection on the author's experience.But if the issue is relevant or of interest to you, this is a reasonable text. It is thorough, structured and informally, conversationally written.It does take a problem identification approach and thus comes across negative and to such an extent one may even seriously reconsider adopting a child of any age. (I'm beginning the process to adopt with a focus on older children/youth/teenagers and it scared me a bit.) I think that would be unfortunate, actually tragic.I don't think that is an outcome the author intends. I think she intends to be realistic and thorough as opposed to negative and discouraging and is fundamentally pro-adoption.There are some practical suggestions that should be avoided. While art and art therapy is evidenced based as being very helpful and facilitating, instructing a young child for a task to draw a picture of her/himself and then draw a hole in the center to visualize the psychological and relational hole in her fundamental self and life circumstance and personal history is really not supportable. If a child produces that kind of picture(s), unsolicited, that is clinical content and should be treated as such.My position is a family, whatever that structure looks like, but it always is fundamentally constructed of one established adult who is committed and connected in a permanent, loving, relational, reliable, expressive way to the child/youth and their safety, healing and growth, unconditionally, is ALWAYS better than a group home and foster care.I would read this as a 'for consideration or general awareness' in terms of some of the challenges that MAY arise for some adopted children, but possibly not for all children. There are just too many intervening and influencing factors, including the fundamental personality, psychology, and specific pre/post adoption experience of the adopted child/adult, as well as you, the adopting parent, whoever you are. All in all, a solid book addressing some powerful issues.
Though this is an informative book I felt guilty while reading it because I adopted my two children around 28-30 years ago when adoption was romanticized and you didn't give your kids an opportunity to grieve the fact that they were given up by their birthmother. 'Don't think my daughter has major issues from her closed adoption but, then again, her birthparents looked for her and found her! I do, however, think my grown son has issues related to his adoption but he is quiet and has never mentioned them. I would HIGHLY recommend this book to those who are adopting children today, no matter what age they are when adopted!!!
If you are at all involved in adoption - care giver, adoptee, social worker, counselor, friend - then read this. This one book will equip you with the ability to unpack your own thoughts on the matter, as well as care for those who are involved with greater empathy.
My wife and I both read the book. The author has one main point which she examines from a number of different vantages. That key point is that all adopted children have a pain or a void, a feeling of being abandoned, that will likely manifest itself in a myriad of different ways such as anger, depression, etc. She maintains that this is the case even if a child has never expressed any pain or doubts about the adoption. Our own child has known about their adoption from the beginning and never expressed any concerns. However, after reading the book we can see signs that there is some insecurity on their part. In little ways there were signs that there was something deeper (the feeling of abandonment). We're exploring that now.I gave the book 4 stars. Some might give it 5. I value what the book says but feel it could have been better organized and possibly better summarized in places. Overall, if you have an adopted child I recommend you purchase and read this book. You might be surprised about what your own children are going through and not saying anything.
Gathered some insights but a ridiculously negative take on adoption. I do not recommend for a new adoptive parent.
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